The Habit Of Noticing. I’m Alive.

“Where we find difficulty we may always expect that a discovery awaits us.” – C.S. Lewis

Somewhere on a beach, savoring every moment

Today is my Alive Day, the anniversary of the day I almost died but didn’t. One year ago today I had a massive heart attack in downtown Chicago. Many of you have heard the story, so bear with me as I tell it again. But then I want to tell you about the last year. What happened to me a year ago has a lot to do with how I live my life now and how I see the world. Let’s just say I was very lucky and something good was on my side that night. I went to a funeral that morning – my good buddy and former college roommate Neil lost his wife to a heart attack earlier in the week in downtown Chicago. Later that afternoon Sue, Shane and I visited the grave of Emmett Till at Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, Illinois.  In all my years growing up in Chicago I had never been there. He was a kid from Chicago visiting his aunt in Mississippi where he was murdered in 1955, the year I was born. Some say his murder was the catalyst for the civil rights movement. I posted a picture of the grave with this caption: “If someone is trying to convince you to hate someone who looks different than you, prays different than you, or talks different than you, resist it with all your might and soul. Instead find the love we have in our hearts for all humans.” – Sage Rosenfels, former quarterback Minnesota Vikings. It would be my last post for a while. That night we stayed downtown Chicago at a hotel on North Dearborn. I was with Sue and Shane walking to dinner when I started having chest pains –  Shane immediately wanted to call 911. A cardiac nurse named Maricel just happened to be walking by us on Kinzie Street, and she noticed I was in distress, so she turned around and walked back to me to see if I was OK. I wasn’t. She had me take three nitroglycerin tablets five minutes apart but nothing changed. Sue called 911 by then and the Chicago Fire Department was soon on its way. Only Sue could ride in the ambulance, so Shane literally ran to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where they were taking me. After getting me hooked up to an EKG in the ambulance, the EMT said to Sue, “Your husband is having a heart attack.” The pain kept getting worse. The Holiday Lights Parade was going down Michigan Avenue so it was no small feat that the ambulance got me there on time. 

I couldn’t have gone to a better hospital, especially suffering a heart attack. Northwestern Memorial is one of the best cardiac hospitals in the country. The ER was staffed and ready for me and doctors on call raced there to help save me. They too had to navigate around the parade to get there in time, but they did. Within minutes I was on the table where a heart catheterization was performed through my arm. It showed 100% blockage in my right coronary artery (RCA). What I had was a STEMI type heart attack – just about as bad as it can get. I was conscious through the whole thing. Two stents were put in and opened my blood flow back up, literally saving my life. The pain immediately stopped. There were some complications involving my arm afterwards, but thanks to a persistent and very aware nurse, the vascular team took care of it. I was released Monday with the instructions to follow up with my cardiologist in Madison.

Back in Madison I was immediately able to get in to see Dr. John Phelan, the cardiologist at St. Mary’s. He looked at the records from Northwestern and said, “Let’s schedule a stress test.” He didn’t like what he saw on the left side – the LAD, also known as “the widow maker”. I started cardiac rehab immediately and felt great. In early December I had the stress test. That led to Dr. Phelan scheduling a heart catheterization on January 15. As soon as he started it, it seemed like it was over, because he said, “Stop, let’s not put stents in the left side, you need bypass surgery.”

Fortunately that was scheduled for the morning of Friday, January 24 with the heart surgeon Dr. Murtaza at St. Mary’s. I had triple bypass surgery and it appeared to go well. But that night was brutal. I was having a real hard time breathing and was going downhill. They had to go back in and open me back up. There was some internal bleeding and leaking in my lung. The technical term was “cardiogenic shock and a large left hemothorax.” Dr. Murtaza and the same anesthesiologist, both came back at 2:00 in the morning. Sue and Callie raced back to the hospital in the middle of the night. Again, it was another close call for me. The weekend was somewhat of a blur, as I was in the ICU in and out of consciousness and on a ventilator for a large part of the time. I can say for sure it was the most pain I was ever in and the worst day of my life.  My family took shifts staying with me and holding my hand. Sunday afternoon I was doing pretty good. We were all in the room together when we heard that Kobe Bryant was killed in a helicopter crash. The headlines in the USA Today the next morning were about Kobe, but there was also an article about this thing called the Coronavirus. It was really the first I had paid attention to it.

I recovered pretty quickly, again thanks to a great team of doctors and a few special nurses at St. Mary’s. I was released the following Wednesday January 29 and went home to recover. I immediately started cardiac rehab again. I loved it. I got a solid month of rehab in and then the Friday after we changed the clocks in March and went into the Twilight Zone, cardiac rehab was suspended due to the Coronavirus.

I also lost a longtime friend, Noreen, to a sudden heart attack in March. We often disagreed about politics but we always got along and didn’t forget who we were or where we came from. She would often message me to see how I was doing and to tell me she was worried about me and was praying for me. I even have a voice mail from her I kept. So who dies of the heart attack?  Sometimes nothing makes sense.

My last post a year ago today, after visiting this grave in Alsip, Illinois

So what do I do now I said to myself. I felt like I had to tell my heart story and hoped it might help others.  I knew I was kept around for a reason. I have been offering advice to people who are dealing with heart issues and they call me to pick my brain.  Northwestern Medicine has even been using my story in their fundraising. Honestly this last year has made me realize how much I love helping others any way I can. There’s a quote I saw by Bernard Meltzer that says “There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up.”  It’s so true.

Since I retired I stay busy helping others with this side gig I have called Pay It Forward Consulting. It might be helping with job hunting, career development, retirement planning, social media, and event planning like charity golf tournaments and reunions.  And DMV questions and auto industry issues still trickle in. Somehow I retained a lot of institutional knowledge from my career and still have some valuable connections. I’m most proud of my work on the Journey For Chandra helping my friend Denny get the word out to those battling mental health challenges and addiction.

“There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up.” – Bernard Meltzer

But with Covid things were suddenly different. So what does one do in times of a pandemic?  What I decided to do I’ll call “destination roam” with “the habit of noticing”.  I started roaming, mostly alone because of the virus, and because Sue was still working. On weekends she’d join me.  I started exploring Wisconsin and thanks to a friend Sheila who invited me to join a Facebook group called Forgotten Wisconsin I started making notes of places I wanted to see. These included old churches, barns, abandoned houses and buildings, schoolhouses, ghost signs, and even cemeteries.  There is so much to notice and see!  Sue and I also made two trips to South Carolina. Of course we drove because I would not and could not get on an airplane.  I loved the drive especially the backroads of America.  And I still chased the sunrises and sunsets, but now they meant more to me.

A few of my favorite pictures I took while out roaming… a barn near Hillsboro, Wisconsin, and

Misty morning sunrise… Vermont, Wisconsin

Another weird thing happened after my surgery in January.  I developed cataracts and my vision got real bad.  I’m not sure if it was related to the surgery or not.  But one of my first “roaming alone” ventures in the spring I realized I couldn’t see good at all. It was like looking through bright white smoke. I fortunately was able to have cataract surgery this summer on both eyes, and my vision now is like looking at a 60” high definition TV.

I followed a roadmap most of my life. I did what I was told to do, where to go, and for the most part, how to do it. Whether it was school, or a job, or my career in government, I always appreciated the leeway to be creative and do it my way. I was successful at nearly all of these things, and the roadmaps served me well and helped me make a nice living. But damn if I didn’t enjoy the detours. Especially if I paved the way.

Early this summer my friend Maryanne gave me a book to read called The Habit Of Noticing by Texas singer-songwriter Darden Smith. The subtitle is Using Creativity To Make A Life And A Living. It’s mainly little stories about becoming and being and staying an artist. Relying on good decisions, simple twists of fate, and the right people to influence you and help you along. But the part about the habit of noticing just blew me away – because that’s what I’ve been doing since my heart attack and since Covid hit. Why, I don’t really know, but it’s something to do with taking it all in and realizing that every day is a gift. Darden says, “The habit of noticing –  open your eyes wide enough to let the world come in. Put your eye up to the key holes; notice your vision spreads out on the other side. Back away in the picture goes to nothing much at all. The closer you get the more you see.”

This book helped me realize what I was now doing was living life to the fullest

“Put your eye to the keyhole so you can see the world on the other side of that door.” – Darden Smith

In recent years I’ve discovered photography – phone photography. My iPhone camera is so good and it’s so easy to use and it’s always right with me. I might just see something anywhere. Some of my best pictures just happen. This is what drives me now. The freedom to explore and express through words and photos. And of course there’s a song lyric for everything.

“You get to a place in your life where you have more past than future, so damn, you better start talking it all in.” – Stephen Kellogg

It’s good to wake up and appreciate the gift of a sunrise… Pawleys Island, South Carolina

I realize many of you don’t have much time in your day because you are working so hard. I sure get that. I admire and respect you. I was once there, working hard every single day since I was about age 15 up until my career ended when I retired from the Wisconsin Department of Transportation in 2012.

Someday, hopefully you can appreciate the magic of going out and not knowing what you’re doing or where you’re going. The best road trips for me are the lost ones. The best days are not predetermined. Keep your eyes open to be on notice of something that might be right around the corner. Sometimes the best thing you can do is not know what to do. No roadmap for a change. Just explore. Get lost even – I’ve been lost many times especially when there was no service on my phone!  Daydream as you go. Let the songs drive you. And the sun, and the moon, and the backroads. You may strike out, you may get bored and not see anything. But chances are you’ll enjoy the hell out of it. I sure do.

“When you think you know something, look even higher, and deeper, and wider. God bless us all in our unique journey through nature, together. ” – Annet Mahendru

Without my health, none of this would be possible.  I never forget that so I will continue to take care of myself.  That includes eating right, staying active with walking, biking and golf, and really being careful with Covid. I dropped over 30 pounds and have kept it off. I feel better than ever – much better than a year ago right now. At my last appointment with Dr. Phelan in September, he said “See you in a year.”   

Like the rest of you, this year has been hard because of the pandemic. I miss getting together with friends and family, but I see light at the end of the tunnel. My family continues to grow. We were blessed with a new addition, Silas Green Supple, born to Beth and Ryan in August. And we got the good news that Callie and Anay are due in February. So much to look forward to! This Thanksgiving I will be thankful for what lies ahead, with a special appreciation what this last year has done for me.

Find what lights you up and go do it. Fall in love with the journey, and take it all in. Notice. Everything.

“Go into the wilderness and bring back the diamond only you can find.” ~ Darden Smith

“My Wyeth”…an old house I captured one day in Wrightstown, Wisconsin driving back from a golf outing

Chuck Supple, chuckie2glove on WordPress, November 23, 2020, Madison, Wisconsin